Gym incident today

I received this email from her gym teacher.

Quote:

Hello Mrs. M. Catlin had some behavior problems today during P.E. I believe the defiant and unnecessary behavior started because she didn't have proper shoes for class. 1. I asked Catlin to have a seat on the bench so the soccer balls wouldn't hit her. She refused to move from my office and was clinching her fists. After asking her numerous times to go and have a seat, I placed my hand on her back to guide her towards that direction. As this was happening, Catlin decided to throw her elbows...one hitting the door frame and the other almost coming into contact with me. Coach Hooper noticed this from across the gym and came to help during this situation. 2. Eventually Catlin went over to the bench with her oops letter. During this time she was growling and stomping her feet causing a class disruption. She then proceeded to crumple it up and throw it on the floor and bench numerous times. I finally asked her to please unwad the paper and hand to me...she threw it at me...so we had to practice the correct way to respond to the teachers request. This went on for an extended period of time. 3. Coach Hooper and I asked Catlin to go to the bathroom and wash her face, thinking this would help her calm down. She was not happy with this suggestion and started to scream and growl more. Again, after numerous requests, she eventually went to the bathroom, came out and stood next to me for the remainder of the class period. During this time she was still clinching fists, growling, and would not respond to my questions about her behavior. 4. At the end of class, I asked Catlin to come stand by me at the gym doors so we could talk with Mrs. Barentine. She said the she didn't want to move and yelled out that she didn't want everyone looking at her. I then told her we could wait outside the gym and wait for her teacher there. While we were sitting outside, talking with Mrs. Barentine, Catlin didn't want to apologize so she started banging the back of her head against window. After being told to stop or we would have to stop her from causing injury to herself, she still continued. After Coach Hooper placed his hand on her arm to move her away from the window, she stopped. 5. When Catlin finally apologized, after being told repeatedly, she refused to look at Coach Hooper or myself rolling her eyes up and talked in a deep growl. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns. I just wanted to make you aware of our observations.

In the past, I've responded by acknowledging the email, letting them know we will be discussing it at home, etc.

I feel like I'm not doing enough, but I don't want to cross the line to becoming a PITA for her teachers. I do expect Caitlyn to be following the rules but I DON'T know how much control she has during these meltdowns. I feel like everything is being labeled "her behavior" due to the label she's got now, and that she is being forced into more transitions, power struggles and triggers now than compared to before her educational DX where they *seemed* to be focusing more on NOT setting her off, being more gentle correction, etc.

This is what I replied with this time:

Quote:

Thank you for informing me of the events of today. I was under the impression that she was keeping tennis shoes at school for "just in case" she forgot. I've asked Mrs. XXXXX to let me know if those are no longer there. I try to ensure she is wearing the proper footwear on gym days. We have a board at home in her "zone" to remind her on which days gym is and that she needs to have her tennis shoes. I know she is not allowed to participate without them; what else is said to her at this time, and is there any additional punishment? We will address the rest with her at home this afternoon and then next week with the family counselor. Her next psychology appt is not until May 13th but I will bring this letter to that Dr. so she is aware of the escalating behavior and particulars. Was any praise to correction ratio used, de-escalation, etc? Trying to transition her to different places during a meltdown situation will impede de-escalation as we have found (moving to the bench,to the bathroom, at the gym doors, then outside the gym). I myself have had to come in to remove her from the building on two occasions within the past month and it is an intensive process and power struggle so I sympathise greatly. Have Ms (PRINCIPAL) or Ms (DIAGNOSTICIAN) or the counselor (I'm sorry, I forget her name) been made aware of the incident, including the head banging? Also on the final point below, #5, please do not attempt to force her to look you in the eye as she is very uncomfortable doing so and finds it hard to remember her alternatives during or following a meltdown (she has been taught to look at the ear or nose of the person addressing her to show that she is listening and paying attention, since she finds direct eye contact disturbing). Holding a finger up towards your face at chin level, but not pointing at your eyes, can serve as a focus point ("Caitlyn, look at my finger, I need to know you are listening to me"). You may contact me at any time at this email address if you have questions or need to relate anything, even if it seems minor, as we do try to bring all of these things up with the counselor and they help greatly in pinning down where she is having issues, what coping skills she may need, and what her triggers may be. I really appreciate it. You may also contact me directly at XXX XXX XXXX (home) or XXX XXX XXXX (cell) if my presence is needed to remove her. I am willing and able to be at the school when a meltdown occurs to assist in de-escalation if it is needed.

Is this HELPFUL for her teachers, or too much to handle? Am I crossing the line from concerned, supportive parent to "ZOMG coddle my precious snowflake", or is this more the type of response that they need to figure out how to handle her?
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Oh and I'm really torqued about this line:

Quote:

defiant and unnecessary behavior

This is a gym teacher. She isn't qualified to say that! And that line is specifically what is setting me off to thinking that they aren't trying as hard now that she's labeled ED.